Strange how I remember the very moment I gained consciousness. I’m not being all “figurative” here. Neither am I attempting philosophical discourse. I mean it very simply. The moment I was born, I remember it: from hearing a long, muffled humdrum………………..then suddenly SOUND. And that account of how things appear blurry at first, only to gain clarity eventually? It’s true.
I could not answer to the memory of my first tactile and olfactory experiences, though.
But still. Isn’t that so strange? To remember such things?
You don’t believe me, don’t you?
Then pay attention. To the moment you first became conscious. Do not willingly invoke the memory, just be silent. It’ll come in flashes. I am bringing this up now because it just happened to me a few minutes ago. It was the nth time I experienced my birth in the landscape of my memory.
No but really, they’re linked — the memory leads to certain thoughts, like wondering why you view things in first person, why you seem to be the “main character” of the frame of your vision as if you were the “camera,” thus not being able to see your own face without looking on a reflective surface, thus being the main person of this lifetime, as if your life were the main connective to other, if not everyone else’s, lives? And thinking, because of that, that perhaps the gods must have been biased in creating humankind because only you feel yourself the way no other person can ever feel you. Because if not, then why do you experience first hand?
I’m not being narcissistic, thank you very much. I’m being selfish. Self-ish? I’m paying attention to myself paying attention to its Self.
Funny how I remember something as early as my first consciousness and not be able to recall where I placed my phone I set aside just SECONDS AGO. So frustrating.
I probably should turn in for the night already before I give birth to myself again.